Honestly-I think more and more about bullying and its effects.  I work (and so do you most likely) in a school district where bullying and harrassment are NOT PERMITTED! (emphasis on the underline and the exclamation point!!) Yet bullying is big time happening and big time unreported.  Why?  An acquaintance of mine tells me often that she is bullied by her school leader.  Her principal has sworn at her, coerced and intimitated her and in general made her life very difficult.  Now, this is a strong and confident woman-one who has another career under her belt and let's just say has "life experience".  She has not officially reported her principal's bullying.  Man! I did not understand that-do you?  I mean, I am outraged by her reports--outraged by his arrogance and deception. Yet-she has not reported him.  And then (the informed Olweus Bullying Prevention Program Trainer that I am!--emphasis again on that exclamation point) I think of the Olweus Bullying Circle.  I remember that when the "ugliness" of bullying is opened-that others aligned themselves with the bully. I mean it's better to be "friends" with the bully than to risk his wrath. Maybe she is like our students.  Maybe she feels that reporting it will only make it worse-that she will be victimized again.  And isn't that what happens with our students? Aren't they too fearful of "only making it worse"?  Don't they too align themselves often with the bully--especially when he is in a position of power? Power imbalance is key to understanding bullying-and that imbalance cannot be more evident than having a bullying boss.  

Hang in there everybody.  We're only just beginning our exploration of what bullying is, why our kids and we ourselves allow ourselves to suffer--and what we can truly and effectively do about it.  Until next time--

Kim 

When I present bullying prevention to school professionals, I talk about the "magic of Olweus".  It's got two parts--the first is that kids need to know that we-the adults of a school-that we really will help them and keep them safe if they are being bullied or know someone else who is being bullied.  They need to know that we are not going to make it worse by making the bullying child apologize or that we're going to (No!!! Not that!) make THEM responsible for their own safety with"Oh just ignore it" kinds of statements.  Once they get that- the other piece of the magic can happen.  More kids will begin to defend others.  More and more kids will be courageous, put their "wow, that's not right" thoughts into "Just stop it!" words--

Now-the first piece is not easy-and impossible if adults are bullies themselves.  What's up with yelling?  What's up with sarcasm?  How come we use it?  Linda Starr says we're barely concealing our "terror of losing control.."  Wow.  Next up-how to exude that loving confidence so needed to allow the "magic of Olweus" to transform your schools.